This is a webpage dedicated to Avoidant Survivors, especially those who consider we have nowhere else to go.

And to some of what some of our Allies do.

There will obviously be a wide range of materials that are triggering to some below or in the associated links. This is a page about awareness, with concepts, tentative definitions and links, not a 'comfort and refuge page where no unpleasantries are mentioned.


I. Survivor is what some 'rape victims' call ourselves, because 'victim' perpetuates disempowerment, though some people are Survivors of other dreadful occurrences.

II. Avoidant Survivors deal with what has happened by avoidance rather than by confrontation. It is likely that a large majority of Survivors view things more this way than the confrontational way [Update: VI below confirms this two decades old 'hunch' of ours]

Things elsewhere, supposedly 'for Survivors' are widely viewed by Avoidant Survivors as being tacitly and de facto only for Confrontational Survivors.

For a number of reasons, asking for Survivor opinions in a political or activistic setting usually only gets any feedback from Confrontational Survivors.

In the true demography of Survivors, width of opinion is so large that there is almost no overlap between how Avoidant Survivors and Confrontational Survivors think.

Avoidant Survivors do not just avoid our abusers and specific or statistically probable sources of secondary abuse.

Many of us also avoid members of a sizeable number of professions and vocations, and many of us also avoid standing anywhere near anyone being confrontational, since retribution often falls randomly upon people standing vaguely near the confrontational.

III. With us telling stories to the extent that we are willing in the form of Phoenices this year, here is the Avoidant Survivors' song given in that context...

Phoenix Superstes Evitans's Song

"In going up in flames,

I ask for a better world,

Where the Shy can do as they please,

Rather than just what they are told.

Where the Meek are Offered Cheese,

Freely rather than from baited traps,

And Differences of opinion are protected

Rather than sat upon till they collapse.

Where the Vulnerable are accepted,

without ever having to Say Why.

And boundaries are respected

and those Presenting as Men are Free to Cry."


IV. Ground rules

1) Alternative Welcome's type of Safer Space Rules apply throughout this activity: both to the doing of it and to the organizing of it. In particular, this is an abuse-free zone.

2) It is in the manner of our safer spaces to supply an activity to do (for now posting unusual theories as per 3) as well as a deeper reason why (awareness commentaries on survivors, at present especially as regards both Avoidant and Non-normative Survivors' issues).

3) We have not yet decided on an activity, other than the upcoming Lent 2017 chain-story being in the style of 'Cloud Atlas' and 'Sense-8' but dealing only with still-to-be-acknowledged adversities and oppressed peoples... It shall be called Cloud Nine...

We understand that some people may find discussion of Survivor issues triggering.

4) We are not a campaign. One effect this has is of accommodating people who don't feel able or willing to participate in campaigns, whether on similar matters or on any matters. As such, do not assume we are a campaign, nor ask us to do campaign-like things. In particular, we spread awareness to those who happen to read this, as opposed to demanding change of others. Amongst other things, that has the effect of allowing us to change our safer spaces' own way of doing things, which is far quicker, if far more local, than demanding change of others. That serves our purposes of forming refuges which have high awareness and are abuse free zones. Plenty of survivors, amongst others, wish to have at least one place they feel welcome and safe at, even if it's only open for a couple of hours now and again.

Other threads within Cloud Nine will explain how people who refuse to run conventional current day campaigns operate...

5) The groups writing this do not consent to this website being publicized elsewhere, nor to it being linked to elsewhere without permission. We reserve the right to say No without having to say why if people write to us asking for permission to link or publicize elsewhere; that is in fact our default position.

6) We will never regard these webpages as completely finished or necessarily free from errors or misunderstandable phrases.


V. The following webpages have at least some bearing on Avoidant and/or Non-Normative Survivor issues.

1) Broadening inclusion of Survivors by broadening understanding of what people perceive as sexual

2) A start on the true diversity of Survivors

3) Some basic points concerning Survivors.

4) Some basic points concerning Non-Normative Survivors

5) Some matters of wide relevance to Survivors

6) On Survivor and Closeted matters being too interlinked for separate support of either to be widely effective.

7) And from the Closeted side of things...

8) Click on the below button for more about Non-Normative Survivors

This includes a `Game of Thrones' theory-writing session, now being expanded to cover other examples of Survivors in literature.

Note again that, whereas writing such theories about literature is 'an activity done here', rather clearly, the Survivor matters why we do this are far more important than what activity we do.

Having an activity gives people something to do, and allows people to pretend they're there for that part in cases in which they daren't say they're taking shelter for other reasons.

Another activity done here is chain story writing, see here and here.

People are welcome to participate in the chain story writing alone, provided that they respect the abuse free zone and the mission statement why this is there in the first place. Participants here for such 'other reasons' are essential in allowing participants to be here under closeted reasons.

If this activity does not suit you, kindly just go build your own Survivor supporting awareness pages and help pages elsewhere; nobody's stopping you from doing that. On the other hand, some Survivors, and Allies of theirs, need pretty much this, which for now is not known to be available elsewhere, so we provide it here. We ask all visitors to respect this.

Here are further materials for more on Avoidant Survivors and on being an Ally to Survivors in a wide range of usually unmentioned circumstances This is some of what is being tidied up to produce various more new awareness pages.

9) Click on the below button concerning some Survivors Adopting the Phoenix as our Symbol

10) 2020 update: helplines compilation

11) On Intersectional Survivors, providing the following links.

Male Survivors

LGBT* Survivors are covered by this helpline in the UK.

Trans* Survivors

Ace (Asexual) Survivors

Poly (Polyamorous) Survivors

Non-Binary Survivors

12) On being an Ally (in particular to Avoidant Survivors and/or to Closeted people), which is nowhere near the 'standard definition' of Ally, which was made without functioning feedback from Avoidant Survivors and Closeted people.

A) See for our older, less specific and yet broader collection of possible helplines,